Just a hard day.

I just want to vent a little about what's going on in my head right now. Before I begin, I will note that my lexapro ran out like a week ago and I just ordered the refill online and will be picking it up today.

I'm so beyond frustrated with my weight loss (or lack of). So much for the "the weight will just fall off while you're nursing." That's crap. Absolute crap. I can't think of much I can do differently. I can't cut down the amount of food I eat, and I don't have the time to work out any longer than I am (sorry, little selfish with the time these days and would like to spend SOME of my evenings with my husband and baby). It's just so deflating to be tracking and watching it and working out and not seeing the numbers go down. I hate it. It affects my self image more than it should. And when I think back to some of my "tricks" from the first go around, I realize I can't pull those out. Example: Soup. I remember eating lots of veggie or cheese soup when I was losing. Two or five points for lunch, and I was golden. Now, all I can think is "think how much sodium those two cups of reduced sodium chicken stock will add."

I just don't know what to do. I'm lost. I'm not going to quit because that's not how I roll. And I'm sure I'll get over the hump, but today I just want to sit and cry because I feel so helpless and deflated. I don't know if the pounds won't come off because they have to stay on to keep the milk flowing, or if I should have cut back to 5 extra points a long time ago. And the whole issue is going to be moo in about 5 weeks anyway becuase that's all the time I have left to nurse. And suddenly 5 weeks doesn't seem like a lot of time.....

My patience with everything and everyone seems to be wearing really thin. I know I go through phases with this, but there is so little I feel like dealing with. Today, all I really want to do is nothing. Maybe cry. Because the weight won't come off. And because I only have five weeks left of nursing. And because I'm not going to make my goal of getting to my weight goal by Natalie's birthday. And because my job sucks.

Pity Party - table of 1.